Freedom from Control

by Kim Wiezycki

In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and He answered by setting me free. (Psalm 118:5)

When I was a fairly new believer in Christ and the Bible, I was going through a very difficult time with the health of my youngest son, Luke, who was then about 2 years old. I am grateful to say that his health is fine now, although if I had a nickel for every time someone showed their shock at his size for his age, I’d be filthy rich! 

My church friends came to the rescue and pointed me in the right direction using patience, love and wisdom. I was at the Ladies’ Retreat that summer of 2004 and obsessing with how many calories my son was eating (or not eating) while I was away. Was Larry (my husband) remembering to keep the journal? Did he remember to add the extra calorie mix? Did Luke keep his meals down? How many bites did he take? Was he constipated again today? What if we had to put a feeding tube in him? What if his brain didn’t develop right? 

I was on the phone almost every hour of the retreat checking on his eating patterns and driving my husband and everyone around me crazy. 

During “sister room” time, when asked to share a little about myself, I immediately told the girls about my son’s reflux, short-stature, and failure-to-thrive status that had me worried beyond description. They could see right away that I was held in bondage by this issue and had been for a long time. They knew I needed to lean on the One who could help me most, our Lord. One of them graciously suggested that I attend the break-out session on deliverance that was being held the next day. Being a fairly new Christian, and not even knowing what ‘deliverance’ meant, upon their INSISTENCE, I changed my plan for the day, and attended that breakout session led by Kristin Bonham. 

During this breakout session, I was on the edge of my seat as Kristin explained the Biblical topics of demonic strongholds and deliverance. In non-Christianese, that simply means FREEDOM. After sharing scripture with us on what God says about truth, bondage, evil spirits, and freedom, she had us pray silently over a list of possible ways we may be in bondage. We were supposed to clear our heads and listen to God speak to our hearts. If you know me, you know I’m a talker. Listening to God is still a challenge for me! As I scanned the list, I chose the word ‘worry’ and began praying for God to take away my worry over my son’s illness. I began a one sided conversation with God about my issues with worry because I was sure that was my problem. Then, after trying to stay silent for a few moments and give God a chance to speak, I heard in my heart, “CONTROL.” What? I don’t have a control problem! I have a worry problem. “No,” God assured me, “You have a control problem. I created Luke. Surrender him to Me.” I began to giggle, because as a fairly new believer, hearing God’s voice in my heart was a new experience. When I’m nervous, I tend to laugh inappropriately, and that I did! 

The woman sitting next to me thought I was crying. She leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Don’t WORRY– God is in CONTROL.” I almost burst out laughing! I was getting confirmation that God wanted me to realize that HE was in control of my son and I couldn’t do any more than I already was to fix him, except to trust in God and surrender to His healing ways for both Luke’s body and my mental state. 

The last part of the session was prayer and the most miraculous thing happened. I literally felt vibrations lift up and out of me and a very real weight came off my shoulders. I would have been the first person, having grown up agnostic, to tell you that experiences like that are all made up or a psychological response to something you wish to happen. But I KNOW what I KNOW and I KNOW that God lifted that stronghold off of me that day to help me build my faith and trust in Him. And it did. 

I can sing praises now for Luke’s health being fine, and even if he is small, he is how God made him. I realize now that even if his medical problems had been more severe, I learned that day to be free of the obsession of trying to control circumstances that are beyond my control. Now when I tend to worry or fret about something, I wonder if it’s really just me trying to control something that God wants me to let be and surrender to Him. I now practice listening and following His leading or avoiding situations that I know could lead me astray. Every day is a journey and the freedom to walk with God is the greatest adventure. 

 

Kim has been married to Larry Wiezycki for 17 years and they have two boys, ages 12 and 10. When Kim isn’t in church, she can be found teaching curly girls how to take care of their hair, spending way too much time on Facebook or reading real books, and running a half marathon here and there.