by Misty Umholtz
A minus sign. Another negative pregnancy test. That is approximately $330 spent over the past 2 years and nine months on those little sticks you pee on. Money thrown away, flushed down the drain. And that is exactly what it feels like has happened to my childhood dreams of one day having a big family. Doesn’t God know how old I am? Hasn’t He done everything He has needed to do to get our marriage in order, our family life, our home, our finances, and our spiritual walk? Seriously, what is left for Him to do!?
It is an emotional roller coaster every month from the highs of hopefulness to the lows of disappointment, with a whole lot of frustration thrown in the middle. This is the first month that the feeling of anger welled up towards God. That scared me. Has He heard our prayers? Does He even care? Why is He making this so difficult? Why is “everyone else” getting pregnant around me with their third and fourth baby? I prayed, “God, I need you to give me the mind of Christ so I can think like You because right now my thoughts are not good”. This is a time where I have to dig deep and rely on the truth found in the Word of God by reminding myself of the character of God no matter what my feelings say. He is a good Father who gives good gifts to His children. He is good no matter what is going on in my life. His goodness doesn’t change or depend on my circumstances.
My faith is being stretched like never before. My husband and I have prayed, fasted, cried, claimed scripture, gotten on our knees, been anointed with oil and prayed over by elders several times. This is one of those few areas in life we have absolutely no control over. Maybe you can relate to something similar in your life.
I felt like God wanted me to make a list of all I have learned in the midst of waiting and it is not for the faint of spirit. There are some challenging truths to swallow and digest.
#1. God answering our prayers is all about Him. His goodness, His faithfulness, His timing and His will for our lives. It is not dependent on us. Our goodness, our faithfulness, our prayers and fasting’s, or who has prayed for us.
#2. When God says wait or no, it does not mean He does not love us. He is not mad at us or punishing us.
#3. When He chooses to not answer our prayers the way we want, it is actually His grace in our lives. He is getting in the way of our plans for a reason.
#4. He is still there even when He is silent, He has not left us or forsaken us.
#5. Will we still trust Him, love Him and serve Him even if He does not give us the desires of our heart?
#6. You can only fully understand if you walk in someone else’s shoes.
#7. I will sing, ‘It is Well With My Soul’. If the Author of that hymn can write that after losing his entire family in the ocean, I can certainly sing that over my small, beautiful, healthy ( and living) family!
#8. Our life is not about us getting what we want, it is about God getting what He wants in and through our lives. He uses these waiting periods to teach us more about Him and make us more like Him.
#9. Does our heart long for what we want more than we simply long for God?
#10. Do we truly believe that God knows what is best for us and that He has good plans for our future to see us prosper and succeed like it says in Jeremiah 29:11?
As Pastor Hal Mayer said, the testimony is in the test. So, I will testify of the goodness and graciousness of God now before He has answered my prayers.
So as I am a lady in waiting, I will say to myself exactly what David did in the Psalms, “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.”
How can we pray for you as you may be waiting?
Misty Umholtz loves being a wife and mom of two small children. She enjoys ministry and she also likes football, which should win her an award for “dream wife.” But on the other hand, her love for shopping might disqualify her from that possibility. You can read more about Misty on her blog, Finding Meaning in the Mayhem.