By Leah Martorana
I use to say it all the time, “Go BIG or go home.” Over the last few years God has slowly shown me how much of a trap that can be; a distraction from following exactly what He has for you. It puts the Almighty God of the universe in my teeny tiny human-sized box.
We are presented with so many daily opportunities that are seemingly small but in reality can be life changing for those around us. Sometimes, He simply asks us to “go”. He is the one who takes care of the “BIG”.
“My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Hello. My name is Leah and I’m a recovering over-achiever and perfectionist. Ouch. It’s tough to admit but it’s the honest truth. For a long time I was able to juggle these tendencies without issue.
- I made the grades.
- I got the job.
- I got the guy.
- I won the prize.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I haven’t always relied on God. In fact, to be brutally honest, I haven’t always lived like I needed God.
In 2014 I entered a season of life that turned my world upside down. My second son, Mason was born. I was instantly in love but was unprepared for the whirlwind of emotions that would follow.
A newborn baby, a toddler, a husband with a demanding travel schedule, and a house literally falling apart (sinkhole) left me a mess. Add a dash of crazy post partum hormones and I was a complete wreck. For the first time in my life I was forced to accept that I simply could not do it all.
You can only imagine what a troubling revelation that was to the perfectionist overachiever in me. I slowly learned how to let go of the reigns. It was a tough year. I sought counseling and took time to breathe. I battled feelings of insecurity and a loss of identity because of “being still”. God gently and lovingly kept reminding me that none of it was about me. There was a better way. A way that gave Him the glory and in return gave me freedom and rest.
This verse became my anthem:
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 The Message
On the other side of that year I felt spiritually and emotionally healed. Hooray! I felt I could breathe again. As a family we were beginning to find our stride. Yet, I was still missing the full picture of what God wanted to show me.
I thought after my experience with post partum and depression I needed to do something about it. I needed to help others in a big way. I needed to “Go BIG or go home.” There’s that phrase again! In my mind, the solution was a “polished,” “buttoned-up,” “beautiful on the outside,” ministry for those struggling with what I had the year prior. That BIG dream left me paralyzed. So what did I do? Nothing.
Only recently while reading a study titled “Eat, Pray, Hustle” did it dawn on me. Right there in the middle of the page it said:
“Don’t be that surprised if your dream is directly connected to showing the world the love of God in a practical way.” ~ Havilah Cunnington
- Making a meal.
- Holding a baby so mom can nap.
- Sending a note of encouragement.
It smacked me right in the face. It’s about God. Not me. How many times does He have to remind me? But how amazing is it that He desires to partner with me. Little old me! How amazing that He can take my little and turn it into a LOT?
I contemplated all the God-sized miracles that came to mind. None started out big. None were “fancy”. They started with everyday things. A little boy’s lunch of fish and loaves. A widow’s dwindling supply of oil and flour.
God loves to take our daily acts of obedience and turn them into something BIG. That is His specialty and it is how we make Him shine. So just GO. Take a small step of faith and then take another. Keep on going and see where it leads you. It just may turn into something BIG.