By Leah Martorana
I can honestly say that I love life right now. I’m in one of those rare seasons where everything seems to fall into place and I really can’t find much to complain about.
My husband usually travels on a weekly basis but the months of January and February included a lot of time at home. I realize for most people this is the norm but for us, it was so strange! It brought about some tough conversations… There may have been some yelling, pouting, silent treatment, and otherwise unhealthy behavior involved but we’ve come out on the other side a lot stronger and more aware of each other’s wants and needs. We’ve found our new normal and we are having fun together!
I’m enjoying my two little guys more than words can say. It’s amazing the transformation that takes place after sleepless nights and potty training become distant memories. I am starting the day anxious for new adventures with my boys. We still have plenty of challenges throughout the day: temper tantrums in public places, accidents at the most inconvenient times, caring for them when they are sick and I am too. But for the most part, those struggles are fleeting and I feel overwhelmingly blessed that I get to be their mom.
I’ve also found the elusive “balance” that seems to be the topic of so many conversations. My boys go to school three days a week. Some days I run errands and get caught up around the house. Other days I have the privilege of meeting a friend for lunch. This is especially fancy since I typically order things other than PB&J, chicken nuggets, or macaroni. And sometimes I get caught up on work and feel the satisfaction that comes from working hard to achieve a goal.
You are probably wondering why I’ve written a blog to tell you about how wonderful my life is. Valid question. Don’t get me wrong, life is not perfect by any means. I have my day-to-day struggles just like everyone else. But I would have to admit that in this season is feeling pretty good. So what’s the problem?? The problem is there is an underlying feeling I battle and I think if I am struggling with it, some of you may be as well. I don’t consider myself a pessimist but often times I find myself bracing for the worst. At times I’m convinced something bad is going to happen simply for the fact that things are so good right now. Have you been there?
I recently had a conversation with a good friend. She was sharing her heart and voicing some of the same fears. She paused and I heard my voice say, “Don’t mistake the character of God. He did not bring good into your life only to snatch it away.” I hung up the phone and then repeated those words to myself. Did I really believe that in my heart of hearts? Did I believe it not just for others but also for myself? Have I really taken the time to learn the character of God? What does that even mean?
Character means personality, disposition, nature, and behavior. We discover these things about a person by spending time with them. To begin to truly know who God is we have to start at the same place. If God were here in the flesh, how would you pursue relationship with Him? Would you invite him over for coffee? Would you give Him a call when you had a decision to make? Would you show up at His house when you had news so huge you just felt you would burst if you didn’t share? Would you read the book He wrote for you?
I’m challenging myself to know Him better and better. I want to have complete freedom to experience joy to the fullest in the best of times. I want to praise Him for all the blessings in my life without fear of them slipping away. When the enemy plants an anxious thought in my mind I want to answer it with: “I know my God.”
“I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God.” Ephesians 1:16b-17
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