By Kesha Webb
Once upon a time long before I met my husband I dated a guy who was quite wealthy. He started the relationship lavishing me with his attention and expensive gifts. Being the independent person I was, I rejected the gifts because I thought he had ulterior motives. It took a while for him to convince me differently, but when I began to receive the gifts, and his undivided attention, the experience was euphoric.
I began to believe I met my prince charming, and that I was Cinderella destined for a happily ever after. However as the relationship developed with only me as the center and focus, it began to fall apart. The gifts stopped coming and soon after he stopped returning my calls. Initially I threw a tantrum which pushed him away further. I went from a tantrum to pouting, and the grand finale “full blown depression”.
I blamed him, and when that didn’t work, I blamed myself. The relationship failed, and whenever I saw him, I held him hostage to that failure, without saying a single word.
I saw the parallel in my relationship with God. When the blessings are overflowing, my faithfulness is steady, my worship is precious, and my gratitude is abundant. But as soon as the blessings dry up, and his attention seems far far away, I throw tantrums, pout and work myself into a full-blown depression.
I blame Him, or others and myself for the valley. I hold God hostage in my emotions…. Saying I love Him with my mouth but secretly resenting Him in my heart.
I was guilty, but when I began to seek God on what to do about this little frenzy I was in, His response was unexpected. A still small voice in the back of my soul said, Can you trust me when you can’t trace me? Do you really love me unconditionally as I love you? Or is the measure of your love predicated on your interpretation of my performance? Can you serve Me with the same faithfulness and passion when you were adorned in my blessings?
I AM YOUR God and the measure of your love and maturity is not contained in your emotions. Your feelings are way too small a container to stuff Me in. Stand on my promises and not your feelings! One of my promises is “I will never leave you nor forsake you”.
My heart began to soften, and I began to sweetly surrender my tantrum. In patience and peace, I began to simply trust God with the circumstances that just seemed so unfair at the time. After all He is the Creator of the Universe and His Grace is perfectly crafted just for me even in my frenzy.
God, help us to trust you in the valleys and trade our frenzied emotions for the constant companion of your grace and mercy.
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9