By Ashley Kuczynski
Anyone who knows me, even if merely as an acquaintance, knows that I can be obnoxiously health conscious. I eat clean most days, do my cardio – sometimes shopping counts, and I lift A LOT of weights. But, today I’m not writing about the resistance given by a barbell or a dumbbell or even the kind of strength that is required to lift it… Today I am talking about the great W-A-I-T.
WAITING. I admit that I am the absolute WORST “waiter”. Or, at least, I WAS. I sincerely and whole heartedly believe that up until this year if God Himself had to name who among His children was His “worst waiter” that He would have chosen me.
As I reflect back on seasons throughout my life when I was waiting on something… college acceptance letters, career opportunities, relational outcomes, what I remember is that I did not wait well. My faith would turn to fear and my dependence to doubt. The magnitude of the situation would determine how much I gave my time, thanks, praise, honor, and reverence to the Lord. My relationship with Him during these times resembled more of an interrogation session than anything else.
Time and time again I resisted what the Lord had for me within these experiences and instead I wiggled, squirmed, and attempted to hurry and worry along the passage of time. These times were abundant in turmoil and anxiety and completely absent of peace. Yet, at the conclusion of EVERY wait, God was FAITHFUL and GOOD to provide the very best outcome. It was in the moments that followed His answer, that I came to the realization that while I was grateful for the blessing and conclusion I was missing out on the middle.
I was missing out on what the Lord had for me in the experience and on the journey because I was hyper-focused on the “get me out now!”. Did things always turn out the way that I wanted them to? No. Did I always receive the answer to my prayers that I wanted? Absolutely not. But, I cannot reiterate enough that EVERY single time God delivered the absolute best outcome for me and my life. Because of HIS continued faithfulness came a desire within me to wait better.
In the fall of 2015 I was thrust into the throes of a new season of waiting. It persisted for about six months with entrances and exits into wait after wait after wait after wait with little to no rest in between. It was unexpected and unforeseen but this time I was different. Something inside of me had shifted. Instead of disputing and resenting the season and doing everything in my human power to escape, I invited the Lord into it.
Early in the morning I began each day by spending time in God’s word and giving each day to Him. I would say, “Lord, whatever it is that you have for me in this day, I want it because it’s yours, it belongs to you and I don’t want to miss anything that you have for me”. When I did this, I discovered that He had something for me in EACH and EVERY day. I began to see His hand at work at 10,000 feet and ground zero. I began to watch and anticipate how I would see Him involved and where He would show up.
I had flare ups of worry and doubt sometimes and I still do as I have not been cured of my humanness. But, in those moments, prayer and breathing out my anxiety and breathing in His peace re-direct my focus back to Him.
Throughout these months Romans 15:13 made a recurring appearance, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”. That scripture begins with the word “may”… And that “may” isn’t a “maybe” or “he might” on His part but is contingent on whether or not I allow Him.
If I trust in Him HE WILL fill me with all joy and peace and I will overflow with hope. God’s word is not a book that’s simply towing the company line… it’s REAL. If I choose to have an intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father in spite of my circumstances these things ACTUALLY HAPPEN. He eliminates my unbelief and I get to experience the remarkable, miraculous, and supernatural realities that He has for me.