By Dara LaPorta
For the first twenty-seven years of my life, I knew God, I loved God, and I was faithful to God, but I didn’t NEED God. You see, up until that time, I was able and sure. I felt I had my life mostly figured out. I was confident and relatively successful in many areas. I hadn’t experienced any life-altering tragedies or the dramatic consequences of bad choices.
As I approached motherhood for the first time at twenty-seven years old, I was extremely confident and optimistic. Because I had never dreamed of a glamorous, high-powered career, I dreamed of being a stay at home mom, so I was PRETTY sure this whole “mommin” thing was going to be pretty easy, and I was going to be a total natural (wasn’t I adorable?).
Sienna was born on September 4, 2011, followed quickly by Price and Maddox (twins) in 2013, and our baby girl, Tessa in 2016.
The shock of motherhood hit me like a mack truck. I’ve never felt so out of control, so exhausted, so unsure, so lost. I doubted my ability to survive the day, let alone raise these four small children into decent human beings. I couldn’t even pick out the right color bowl (purple) for my children, so how was I going to make the bigger, scarier, more life-altering choices?
Until I became a mother, I thought I was a pretty good person. But motherhood quickly brought to surface the obvious sin that resided in me…selfishness, irritability, impatience, bad temperedness, entitlement, selfishness (did I already say that?)…need I go on?
For the first time I was brought to my knees, desperate at the feet of Jesus, and four angelic, beautiful, baby faces were responsible. I always knew I needed a Savior. I always knew I was sinful. I always knew about His grace. But I had never experienced the true depth of that need until motherhood.
I now know that I am not capable, I cannot do it all, I do not have what it takes, and I am not enough.
WHAT. A. RELIEF.
The realization of my inadequacy has allowed me to surrender to the ONE who IS enough, who DOES have what it takes, and who holds me and my four babies in the palm of His hand.
All I ever wanted to do was be a mother, but I never could have imagined how it would transform my relationship with the Father. I understand in a glaringly real and authentic way, the ugliness of my own sin and the beauty of His grace. I have found the hope and peace that only God can give because of my desperate need for Christ.
“Let us have confidence, then, and approach God’s throne, where there is grace. There we will receive mercy and find grace to help us just when we need it.” Hebrews 4:16
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Have you found yourself in a desperate situation? What is God revealing to you through it?