By Misty Umholtz
Trusting God with our children’s lives is a challenge for us Mama’s from the first day we hold that little life in our arms probably until the day we breathe our last breath and go to meet our Maker. I wonder in that moment if we will sigh the biggest relief as we embrace the One Who is perfectly capable of all of our trust.
As a Mom, I want to love my kids and give them the best of me. But the longer I have been “moming”, the more apparent it is how flawed I am. When I read the description of true love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, It is not rude, it is not self- seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”
I know I am not able to provide all of that for my children. I am human, I am broken and I am limited. Can I trust that God’s love can make up for all my mistakes and all of my weaknesses? Can I trust God to protect my kids when I can’t? Can I trust Him to work everything out for their good when I can’t fix it for them or when they make bad choices? Can I trust God with their health, well being and future?
Recently, my husband and I met with our son’s tutor for school. She showed us his test scores from the beginning of the school year compared to now. He has made significant progress and I wanted to cry but I held it together for another few minutes as we talked. We asked her questions to the like of, will he ever be able to overcome these learning challenges? Can he catch up with his peers in the next couple of years? And as ridiculous as it might sound because he is only in second grade, we even voiced a long term concern regarding college.
While she could not answer those questions about the future. She asked us if all of that really matters as long as he ends up exactly where God wants him to be?
My son has to work very hard to accomplish normal tasks in school that come naturally for others. There is a lot of extra time, money, battles and tears that go into homework on a daily basis for both of us. As an adult, I know that adversity will ultimately make him stronger and better in the long run. As a mom, it is difficult to watch him struggle so much.
It was one of those moments I have heard other moms talk about, when I felt my heart outside of my body. I had entrusted my son to someone else, to a tutor who could help him in a way I could not. She had invested in him, enjoyed him and loved him well. I was overcome with gratitude to God for leading us to this school, to these teachers, to this program and to this woman sitting in front of me. That’s when I lost it. I wept from a deep ache inside of me that I didn’t even realize existed.
My son’s tutor is moving away. When we left the meeting, I didn’t allow myself to hug her because I was scared I would hang on and beg her not to leave. All I could manage to say was a simple thank you. She knows exactly what those tears and those two little words mean from the depths of my soul.
The answer to her question of me is yes. All I really want is for my son to fulfill the calling God has placed on his life whatever that looks like. I know this is part of the bigger plan God has for him. Slowly, I am learning to trust God more with my son’s life. One small step for a woman, one big leap for this Mama’s heart!