By Erica Schleman
Heartache. Hurt. Confusion. Aching and longing. Circumstances can overtake our lives, and break us down. How do you cope and make it through each day? I struggled through sadness, desperate longing and confusion until something finally clicked.
I was a mom of two beautiful children struggling with secondary infertility. I had two miscarriages within six months of each other. I was sad. I was confused. I had so many “Why’s”. I prayed for God to give us another beautiful, healthy child. I prayed for healing from miscarrying and that my “want” would be His Will. But my prayers weren’t being answered. I trusted God heard my prayers, but now with desperation I needed to adjust my expectation.
I hoped my prayers would be answered just as I asked, but I was struggling. Did I truly believe that God is in control and will answer? I needed to learn to surrender this completely to God…and wait.
“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10
Fifteen months after my second miscarriage and still not pregnant, we began fertility testing. Three months later the specialist reported that all tests results were normal. In that moment it felt like God’s hand rested on my shoulder saying, “There’s nothing more you can do. Give this to me.” I had still been trying to control the situation and even though I prayed His Will be done, I wasn’t surrendering it completely to Him. This was hard!
“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14
Over the next few months my faith grew stronger as I asked God to set my heart on him and not my circumstances and desires. I prayed to have strength and to accept His Will even if it was not what I longed for. I stopped praying for what I wanted and prayed instead for what His will was for me. I grew closer to God and more focused on my relationship with Him.
Three months later we were scheduled to meet with the specialist to discuss fertility treatments, however I became pregnant just before that time. God heard me and answered!
God built my faith through this journey. He taught me to trust Him no matter how things are looking in the natural. Even though we sometimes don’t get the answer we want, I learned to keep praying. I can trust in God, His plan, and His timing. My relationship with God is stronger and I know that is the best outcome I could have imagined.