Lisa Santelli, GFC LutzRecently, I was “venting” to a friend, when she called me out in the gentlest way. Her question went straight to my heart. She identified something that was not only keeping me stuck, but causing me to veer off-course. Through a simple question, the root of the issue was exposed, which has led me on a journey of healing and freedom in this area.
In the air navigation world, pilots have a rule of thumb called the 1 in 60 rule. This means that for every 1 degree a plane veers off course, it misses its target by 1 mile for every 60 miles of travel. Over time, these flights could end up not only at the wrong destination, but an entirely different state.
When I remember the truth my friend spoke to me that day I know that she changed my trajectory. If she hadn’t asked that question, I would still be spinning in circles heading in the wrong direction. Because of her boldness, she made me stop and think…how many friends would do that? And, am I a friend like that?
Most of us don’t want our blemishes uncovered, and we definitely don’t want anyone calling them out. But, we need friends who are walking with Jesus to help us keep our focus pointed to the truth of the Word, which sharpens our character.
In Proverbs 27:17, it reads, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” We must stay sharp. Plant ourselves in the Word, stay in worship and let a community into our inner circle who can deliver truth that will pierce and continue to transform our hearts.
So, my question for you, do you have a friend like that? Do you have a friend who will let you express your feelings, but she won’t let your emotions guide you? She will gently and lovingly keep you sharpened, so you don’t fester and spiral off track.
This wasn’t a new friend, but a friendship that has been building over years. We’ve been doing life together. Serving in ministries side-by-side. Praying for each other. She has been an encourager first, so she’s earned my trust to be honest with me. I know she wouldn’t come at me with a machete, trying to slice me up. In fact, when she asked the question that day, it was an honest probe that opened a door to a place in my heart that I didn’t even know was hardening.
So, if you’re looking for a friend who will sharpen your dull edges, start by becoming that kind of friend. Here are a few things that have helped me build these types of friendships:
- Pray for your friends. When you see areas in their life that need Jesus, pray first, even if they don’t ask.
- Develop trust. This goes both ways. Be willing to be transparent and vulnerable. You don’t need to spill all your secrets and struggles right when you first meet, but start with nuggets to build up that trust circle. Then, when a friend shares her story, LISTEN.
- Surrender your opinion. We all have one, but that doesn’t mean that’s the advice your friend needs. Let scripture be your common ground.
- Learn God’s truth (the Bible) and ask the Holy Spirit when to apply it. Luke 12:12 is a scripture I often go to when I’m at a loss for words. “For the Holy Spirit will teach you at that hour what to say.” Fill yourself up with scriptures, and let the Holy Spirit guide you on when to pour it out.Finding our people can take time and dedication, but when you find those friends who’ll build you up and support you, there really is no substitute for cheap imitations. Become that sharp, authentic friend, and you will attract those pure friendships. I’m praying you each find that beautiful tribe that will both lift you up with encouragement and sharpen your character, so you become all that God has designed you to be.